Fuckity bye!

Dr Kaiser told me the unexpected and unfuckingbelievably fantastic news that I will not need chemo or radiation because he got all the dodgy shit out in the operation. I know, right?!! I feel like I've won the lottery. Regular scans and blood tests for the next year is all I need. Oh, and annual colonoscopies of course. If I haven't had a relapse by this time next year, the Kaiser can pronounce the all clear.

Now get me a Stoli...