Balaclava time

Step 1: Selfie required

I've been dreading today... So much so that I've been putting today off for at least 30 years. But all that avoidance ends today. No more vanity, no more shame, no more waking up with lockjaw, no more headaches, because today I get braces on my lower teeth.

As with that unfortunate little bout of cancer earlier this year, I shall be posting random updates on what it's like to be 50 years old, divorced, single, chronically shy, vain as all fuck and sporting the visage of a spotty metal-mouthed teenager whilst living in a city famed for its love of the beautiful and disdain for the afflicted.

Wish me luck. Or at least, please try not to laugh.